Shit My Husband Says #7

It's that time again... There's a couple of corkers this month but I won't spoil you with the deets. 
Shall we just jump right in?
Also, make sure you read all the way to the end because I need your help with my next, 'Shit My Husband Says' post - *bats eyelashes*
Here we go:

First rule of raising a puppy... talk about the puppy at all times! Yes, that even stretches to toilet habits. The life I lead. 

And by turtle you mean...?

My husband, single-handedly summing up my entire existence.
...and the rest:
Scott - "Babe, I ripped my pants at work today." Me - "Haha, how?" Scott - "Well... They got caught on the door handle. I was on the phone though so I just had to stand there until it ripped!"
Sorry, but what? You ripped your own pants, rather than reach down with your phone-free hand and release yourself. #ManLogic
"You unleashed a nice smell when you moved."
Erm, thanks? 
And because it appears my husband is desperate for a new guinea pig *cough*
"I've thought of another name for a guinea pig if we get another. Guinness, so we could call it Guinness Pig."
My husband thinks about guinea pigs way too often.
Finally, as I mentioned above, I need your help for my next post. I'm sure I'm not the only one with a ridiculous husband/fiance/partner/significant other and, as I know how much some of you love to read these posts, I really wanted to throw together some of the weird and wonderful things your men have been saying recently, for us all to have a giggle at. 
Tweet me your funny comments at @LifeinExcess_, pop them in an email here or leave them in a comment below. I'll be screen grabbing as many as I can and featuring them soon. 
Thanks in advance!
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you check out the rest of my 'Shit My Husband Says' posts.