To the serial unfollowers...

Followers that unfollow the minute you follow them. Why do you do this? As a matter of fact, every. single. person. knows why you do this. It's mostly because you're an asshole; but some small part of you must think that this is a really excellent way to get followers or something. Maybe I missed this part of social media class? 
I think we'll call you, 'serial unfollowers' or Swollowers for short - Not Swallowers, because that's just a little bit weird and, well... you know! The thing is swollowers, I know your game and I'm super sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just not playing along. You see swollowers, we live in what's called, 'The 21st Century' where great things have been invented; like robots and I presume, beer pong, but most importantly, apps. What would we do without apps, eh? A bit naively, I started out this blogging malarkey thinking that those who followed me on the likes of Twitter and Instagram, did so because they wanted to... silly me. But soon I clocked on to your sneaky, sneaky ways and invested in clever little things to reveal all of you lovely swollowers to me. I mean, it would have been an awful shame for your crafty little display to have gone unnoticed. 
Some of you swollowers have really great content out there, which is such a pity because, well you know the saying; 'Once an asshole, always an asshole.' I'm not entirely sure if this is really a saying but it should be. I feel a little bit sad that we got off on such a wrong footing. I want to like you and your beautiful Instagram pictures, but I haven't quite mastered the skill of being able to forgive and forget. Perhaps this is something I need to work on so excuse me for coming across a little bit defensive. My point is that we're never going to be friends... and it doesn't really matter how many times you re-add me and delete me again, things just wont work out between us. It's not me, it's you. Really sorry about that.