What's In My Bag? - The Morning After A Night Out Edition

The morning after a night out bag is often a treasure trove of goodies, just waiting to be rifled through by a bewildered, (and slightly hungover) owner. It can often bring about joy and amusement as the contents are used to piece together your evening, like an alcohol-reeking, Spongebob pyjama-wearing, CSI agent.   
Here's a peek at what's in my, morning after a night out bag:

1. Cutlery items stolen from the pre night out meal at the local Indian restaurant. It seemed like a fun idea at the time but your sober mind tells you that it's likely you committed an offence. Shudder slightly at the memory of trying to sell them to a taxi driver because, and I quote, 'They'd make a lovely gift for your wife.'
2. A lighter. You don't smoke and neither do any of your friends. You pray to God that you didn't set fire to anything on your night out - come crime spree.
3. A receipt for 12 Jager Bombs paid for in full on your credit card. You don't even like Jager Bombs and just assume you're the victim of identity theft. Put a reminder in your phone to call the bank later. 
4. A flyer for something. Often a club night. "Did I go there?" Oh wait, it looks like there's a sale on at the local department store. Who was out canvassing for this on a Saturday night? 

5. Your ID - Thank the lord. Finding this amongst the endless amounts of other crap is a holy grail moment. In your semi, still slightly drunk/hungover state, you start to feel a touch emotional. Pffft, to those who say you're irresponsible.

6. Someones business card. Possibly for Finnish lessons again. Momentarily freak out and hope you didn't give your number out to a random. Check your phone call history. "What the actual hell! Who called my effing Grandma at 4am?" Crawl under the duvet and cringe.

7. A hair grip. Those fuckers get everywhere.

8. What appears to be an entire roll of toilet paper. Well, it's a nightmare when the club toilets run out of loo roll mid evening.. Must have stocked up earlier in the night. Congratulate yourself on using your initiative. 

9. Loose change, a variety of currencies... Don't even ask.

10. Make up. More than likely without the lid/cap/etc. Realise that the inside of your bag looks like a five year old's doodling. Curse whichever make up brand said product is from and tell yourself you must remember to write an angry tweet later. 

11. A queue token from the local kebab/pizza shop. Hate life when you remember that you ordered and subsequently ate enough food to nourish a small army. Wonder if you should return the token that you stole by accident but quickly discard that thought due to the fact that major beer fear has kicked in. "I'm never leaving the house or drinking again... ever!"