Shit My Husband Says #8

I failed at doing a thing. 
So, remember in my last 'Shit My Husband Says' post, where I said I was going to ask around for all the funny things other people's partners had said - well, let's just say it never happened. 
Fear not though as I have a whole back log of tantalising tidbits from the past month or so waiting to be shared with you guys. 
Here goes...

After hearing about a competition on the radio to meet Nikki Minaj "Could you imagine having to meet Nikki Minaj? I couldn't think of anything worse. Honestly, I think I'd rather meet Hitler."
"Women are crazy. I think if we ever split up I'll just be gay. It'll be easier I think." Because I'm pretty certain that's how it works...
Me - "You're so lucky having short hair. You don't have to deal with it blowing in your face."
Scott - "Well I suppose you could always wear a hair net or a swimming cap."
Damn, why didn't I think of that!
"It's too dark to get decent photos. We should have brought the DSL. (Awkward glance from me) Errrm.. R?"
In reference to one of our holiday pictures - "You should Photoshop a fish into that photo of me coming out of the sea. Like, so it looks like I'm handling a beast of the ocean."
*Weird groaning noise as we're waiting for the lift* "Oh, it's a child. I thought it was the door!" 
After dipping a chocolate brownie into a pink chocolate fountain:
Me - "How does it taste?"
Scott - "Like bleach!"
I think I'll pass then.
"I need to poo-rinate" There are just no words.
Whilst watching The Walking Dead season finale - "this is tenser than a bum hole with an elastic band in it!" Speaking from experience are we?
In shock at our puppy chewing a chunk of plaster off the wall - "It must be really shit plaster. Like PVC glue." Is that the same as PVA or are we talking glue in sexy rubbers?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you check out the rest of my 'Shit My Husband Says' series right here.