The Noise

I was going to post about eye shadow today, or something infinitely more exciting than what I'm about to subject you to but I have a monu-moutain of crap to get off my chest so I thought I'd treat you to a ranty post instead.
I'm anything if not good to you guys.
Firstly, people and hammers should rot in the uttermost depths of fire-burning hell. 
It's been nearly two weeks of near constant banging, drilling and general construction fuckery - which has driven me to midday alcoholic beverages more times than I care to admit. I imagine they're building a goddamn ark with the amount of nails being bashed around as, quite frankly, there is nothing else on this planet that could require this sheer amount of workmanship.
Even Daisy is sick of their shit.

As I sit here typing, I'm using every fibre of my moral being to not go down and ram those hammers somewhere unsavoury. 
What makes it infinitely worse is the fact that there's two of them at it and over time, they've developed a sort of rhythm - a synchronised beating if you will. They've got this, 'I'll bang every time you stop' method going on which ultimately results in a non-stop assault on my ears.
If you've yet to glean from my writing, it's making me extremely stressed!
So much so that I can't even speak make up, which, if you know me, is bad. 
As a result, I ate two Cadbury's Creme Eggs for breakfast and I'm not even sorry. 
Okay, I'll admit, I'm kinda sorry. Mostly for my arse that isn't going to be 'Summer ready' at all again this year. To be fair, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be 'Summer ready?' I've had nearly 30 years to get into any other shape that isn't bulging around the edges and I've failed miserably so I don't know why I'm still bothering. 
Also, I feel I should put it out there that I'm pretty sure the window cleaners got a glimpse of nipple this morning. 
We don't have curtains and I usually manage to time my waking up just so, so that I'm out of bed and dressed before the little trolly for two comes scooting down past my window. However, I failed this morning and after waking up, starfished, dead centre in my bed, I saw the workmen's wires dangling in front of my bedroom windows (and no, that isn't a euphemism.) They'd obviously made an early descent and may or may not have had a gratuitous peek at my jiggly bits in the process.
So as I sit here in my soggy bikini (an attempt at getting some headspace away from the work noise) I'm chuckling ever so slightly at the, 'Oh, you live in Abu Dhabi? How glamourous?!' comments that I often hear and wonder if anyone is wanting to swap lives for a week or two - seriously, any takers?
I'll throw a bottle of wine or six in for free.