I must apologise in advance for the rambly nature of today's post. It was just that yesterday was a whole load of, what the fuck!? I know that swearing is neither big nor clever, but there was really no other word to accurately describe what yesterday was.
At this current point in time I am, 'with dog.' She's called Rosie.. This is Rosie:
Rosie belongs to a friend and I very kindly offered to dog sit whilst she travels back home to visit family. (The friend, not the dog.. are you following?) Anyway, so I woke up yesterday in a hazy blur. Stumbled out of bed into the living room where I almost went into cardiac arrest because I had completely forgotten that we now had a dog in our midst. 1-0 life.
Shrugging off my rude awakening, I curled up on the settee with my breakfast and gave Rosie a playful scratch on the nose. She farted. Breakfast was ruined. 2-0 life.
Yesterday was Thursday, which for me, literally translates to, 'meet up with the girls and drink tea' day. After a few hours of idle chit chat and copious amounts of tea, I was feeling back on form and ready to tackle a nice stroll in the park with Rosie. I was willing to forgive her minor indiscretion this morning and start again with a clean slate. But life had other ideas...
Now, I'm an animal lover but if you're particularly sensitive, I suggest you go for a quick tea and biscuit break here, as the next part gets pretty ugly.
So there I was, minding my own business, walking back to my apartment when I KID YOU NOT, a bird fell right out of the sky and missed colliding with my skull by a mere fraction. Putting the fact that I could have been seriously injured aside, this poor little thing was clearly up shit creek without a paddle; to put it politely. Next follows one of those achingly awkward moments where you do a little, backwards and forwards dance as you figure out what on earth you should actually do at the present moment!? Leaving it in the middle of the street was a speedy path to certain death, so l scooped it up and placed it in the bushes.
Good deed done for the day... or so I thought!
Do you know when you have those horrible episodes where you do something and then instantly start second-guessing yourself and wondering if you actually did the right thing? Well, I ended up with a whole heap of that going on. The bird was in pretty bad shape and I couldn't stop thinking that, by placing it in the bushes and leaving it, I'd just whipped up an easy meal for the next, passing moggy. So like the sane, rational human being that I am, I whipped up a make-shift bird bed and headed back outside to retrieve my feathered friend.
I'll spare you the details of the phone conversation with my partner which kind of went along the lines of me turning our apartment into a zoo.. Not quite the 'emergency' he'd expected when I'd text him those words asking him to call me ASAP.
Anyway, a Google search informed me that I should feed the bird kitten food, so off I trotted to the pet shop to stock up on the necessary items. (I'm aware that the picture I am painting of myself here is not one of someone with sound mental health, but I promise you, I'm usually just as normal as the rest of you!)
Approximately 5 minutes after my return from the pet shop with food in hands, the bird had its last breath and that was that. There I was with a bag of kitten food, a dog still farting and about to pee on my carpet and a very dead bird in a box in my bathroom; wondering how on earth I had actually ended up in this situation. You couldn't make this shit up, seriously. I forgot to keep count life, but you really kicked my ass with this one!
So yes, that was Thursday. Here's hoping that Friday has something a little better to offer me!
