This post is not going to be pretty..

The above piece of evidence is a picture of my bed at approximately 6pm on Saturday the 28th of June 2014. Let me set the scene for you...
Mid-week, my boyfriend came home with the news that we had been invited out for dinner with a few of his work friends. After which, we would nip down to the local pub for a few beverages with his work team as a sort of celebration for doing something kinda big. That's as much detail as I managed to recall as I stopped caring after the words, 'free bar' were mentioned. People seemed excited about it so it must have been a pretty big deal. 
Like the organised female that I am, I had already planned my outfit, which consisted of a jeans and blazer combo with my fabulous, new, chunky sandals... Sorted, only I planned my outfit on a wet and rainy day and come the actual day of outfit wearing, the sun was burning a hole in my perfectly planned ensemble. I needed an outfit change. Cue me frantically throwing on every item of clothing that I owned in a desperate attempt to determine what I should possibly wear! It's safe to say that it didn't go very well.
I spent a whole one hour and forty five minutes tumbling down the rabbit hole of irrational psychosis. I'd started this thing a sane and functional human being, but I had been reduced to a shell of a person by denim and chiffon. I'm pretty sure that my boyfriend was frightened. I don't blame him. Over the course of said outfit change, I had kicked my beloved shoes across my bedroom floor and declared that I was in fact, never going to eat ever again, before puffing my belly out to represent the pregnant version of myself and then falling in a heap of tears. Understandably, Scott was wary on how to approach the situation and after a few tentative words, resorted to bringing me alcohol in the hope that a few gulps of the good stuff would restore my sanity and his belief that I was actually the girl he will someday call his wife. 
Even writing this makes my entire body cringe. Why is it that getting dressed... something I learnt to do when I was four years old, reduces me to a shadow of my actual self? It's really very ridiculous and it embarrasses me to admit that this isn't even a one off. It happens scarily too often. I can barely even bring myself to write that in the end I wore the same outfit that I had originally planned; minus the jacket. 
Why did I have to go around the houses, develop a weight problem, refuse to leave my apartment and destroy my lovely, tidy bedroom in this relatively simple process? If anyone has a number I can call, it would be much appreciated. 

Things I have learnt in 26 years...

I don't claim to be some philosophical, over-achiever at life.. In fact, I'm probably quite the opposite. I currently have chipped nail polish and the highlight of my week is the delicious sandwich I am due to eat for dinner tonight. Okay, my life isn't quite that dull, it's pleasant.. normal.. or any other unremarkable adjective you wish to use. I guess I'm just a typical human being, whatever that may be? My point is, don't go expecting to find some ground-breaking, life-defining moments from what you are about to read. It's basically just a pile of stuff I have learnt from surviving the sum total of 26 years and 5 months on this planet.

1. Chocolate solves all problems, no matter how big or small.

2. Leggings are not to be trusted. They mislead you with their false sense of opaqueness and then take great pleasure in exposing you to whoever chances a glance. 

3. A little bit of time puts everything, and I mean everything into perspective. Mountains crumble over time, and so do your problems. 

4. Sometimes you will eat a whole pack of biscuits, purely because you can. 

5. You never really appreciate how much your parents do for you until you have to fend for yourself in the big, wide world, pay your own way and do laundry. 

6. If you have a scab,you'll pick it until it bleeds. 

7. You never remember how truly horrific a hangover can be until you're hungover. Then you recover and miraculously forget until you're hanging out of your ass again!

8. Self control and ready salted Pringles can never be used in the same sentence. 

9. People will talk about you... let them!

10. Nothing gets your heart rate going like a call from a withheld number. 

11. Retail therapy is as good as any.

12. Drinking shots never ends well... ever!

13. Songs you loved when you were younger will get re-released in the charts by some singer/band you've vaguely heard of and you will feel really, really old!

14. A 5 am alarm is more painful than standing on Lego.. fact!

15. It doesn't matter how many hair grips you buy, you will never find one when you really need one!

16. It's perfectly acceptable to cry when you can't find anything to wear.

17. Life isn't a race, don't rush it. Live in the present, stop worrying about the past and over-thinking the future.

18. Nail polish lasts infinitely longer on toe nails than it does on hand nails.

19. No night out is complete without gorging on cheesy chips like you've never been fed.

20. Don't listen to life advice from an idiot on the internet.. I don't know what the hell I'm doing!?

A dog and a dead bird!

I must apologise in advance for the rambly nature of today's post. It was just that yesterday was a whole load of, what the fuck!? I know that swearing is neither big nor clever, but there was really no other word to accurately describe what yesterday was. 
At this current point in time I am, 'with dog.' She's called Rosie.. This is Rosie:

Rosie belongs to a friend and I very kindly offered to dog sit whilst she travels back home to visit family. (The friend, not the dog.. are you following?) Anyway, so I woke up yesterday in a hazy blur. Stumbled out of bed into the living room where I almost went into cardiac arrest because I had completely forgotten that we now had a dog in our midst. 1-0 life. 
Shrugging off my rude awakening, I curled up on the settee with my breakfast and gave Rosie a playful scratch on the nose. She farted. Breakfast was ruined. 2-0 life. 
Yesterday was Thursday, which for me, literally translates to, 'meet up with the girls and drink tea' day. After a few hours of idle chit chat and copious amounts of tea, I was feeling back on form and ready to tackle a nice stroll in the park with Rosie. I was willing to forgive her minor indiscretion this morning and start again with a clean slate. But life had other ideas...
Now, I'm an animal lover but if you're particularly sensitive, I suggest you go for a quick tea and biscuit break here, as the next part gets pretty ugly. 
So there I was, minding my own business, walking back to my apartment when I KID YOU NOT, a bird fell right out of the sky and missed colliding with my skull by a mere fraction. Putting the fact that I could have been seriously injured aside, this poor little thing was clearly up shit creek without a paddle; to put it politely. Next follows one of those achingly awkward moments where you do a little, backwards and forwards dance as you figure out what on earth you should actually do at the present moment!? Leaving it in the middle of the street was a speedy path to certain death, so l scooped it up and placed it in the bushes. 
Good deed done for the day... or so I thought!

Do you know when you have those horrible episodes where you do something and then instantly start second-guessing yourself and wondering if you actually did the right thing? Well, I ended up with a whole heap of that going on. The bird was in pretty bad shape and I couldn't stop thinking that, by placing it in the bushes and leaving it, I'd just whipped up an easy meal for the next, passing moggy. So like the sane, rational human being that I am, I whipped up a make-shift bird bed and headed back outside to retrieve my feathered  friend. 

I'll spare you the details of the phone conversation with my partner which kind of went along the lines of me turning our apartment into a zoo.. Not quite the 'emergency' he'd expected when I'd text him those words asking him to call me ASAP. 
Anyway, a Google search informed me that I should feed the bird kitten food, so off I trotted to the pet shop to stock up on the necessary items. (I'm aware that the picture I am painting of myself here is not one of someone with sound mental health, but I promise you, I'm usually just as normal as the rest of you!)
Approximately 5 minutes after my return from the pet shop with food in hands, the bird had its last breath and that was that. There I was with a bag of kitten food, a dog still farting and about to pee on my carpet and a very dead bird in a box in my bathroom; wondering how on earth I had actually ended up in this situation. You couldn't make this shit up, seriously. I forgot to keep count life, but you really kicked my ass with this one! 
So yes, that was Thursday. Here's hoping that Friday has something a little better to offer me! 

So, do you come here often?

I thought I would do something a little bit different today. A, because I like to mix things up a bit, and B, because I'm actually just really nosey!

It's funny how quickly you can get sucked into the blogging world and chat to your fellow blogging buddies as if you've known them for longer than an odd tweet here and there. It's nice, really... but I can't help but feel a little bit unsatisfied with how much, or in fact, how little I know about all of you lovely lot. So I decided to create a little, 'fill-in-the-blanks' type thing so I can learn just that little bit more about who actually pops their head in now and again to my little corner of the internet and basically just spend a considerable amount of time drinking cups of tea and catching up on what you crazy bunch think. (Good grief, that was a mouthful!)

Anyway...

Interested? It's dead simple. Just copy and paste the following statements into the comment box; filling in the blanks as you go. The stranger the answers, the better... There's no shame here!

1. My name is...
2. I could eat ... all day.
3. I'm absolutely terrified of...
4. ... is the most disgusting thing ever!
5. My birthday is in...
6. If I could describe myself in three words, they would be...
7. ... makes me laugh more than anything.
8. If I could be any animal, I would be... because...
9. I love...
10. If you have... you should...

Get typing now!

Bobbi Brown Sheer Finish Pressed Powder...

Up until about a week ago, I had been on the look out for a new face powder. I'm a pressed kinda girl and I was hoping for something sheer and simple. I didn't need any wonder fixes. Just a little something to set my make up and give me a nice, even finish. 

I had a number of recommendations, but in the end I just decided to head on down to my local beauty counters and have a good, old nosey at what was on offer. The girl at the Bobbi Brown counter was fabulous and knew exactly what I needed, shade and all, with just a swift glance. I'm using Soft Sand. 

Having a peek at their website, I can see that this powder is completely oil-free. Not only that, but if you have a slight oily complexion, or just dance yourself into a sweaty mess like me after a few too many beverages, this powder's oil-absorbing qualities means that you're not going to be projecting a sheen that can be seen from space.. Result! Be careful you don't go too heavy on it though as it will make you look like you're in desperate need of moistuiser. 
The Sheer Finish does what it says on the tin, and really does gives you a sheer, but flawless look. The idea is to look like you're not wearing powder at all so you can be all like, 'I woke up like this!' (Or so the Bobbi Brown sales girl told me) 
The final mention goes to the powder puff. I'm hitting you with all the tiny details here today, aren't I? It feels like you face is being kissed by a thousand baby rabbits because it's by far the softest damn thing I have ever felt.. and I'm not even being dramatic! It gives me a little wave of satisfaction every time. 

Have you tried the Bobbi Brown Sheer Finish Powder, and if so, what are your thoughts? 

Scary parenting...

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in feeling this, but I find the prospect of birthing an actual human baby and looking after it, the most daunting thing going! Seriously...

I'm 26 years old and in a great relationship with my boyfriend, (I always find it awkward calling him my fiancé!) and people always drop little hints about hearing the tiny patter of baby-shaped feet and all that nonsense! Quite frankly, it makes me want to run a mile! 

I blame social media for this one.. Shame on you Facebook! On a daily basis I read post after post from frustrated, stressed out and down-right exhausted parents; venting about their latest parental strife and I just thank the lucky powers that be, for my current baby-free state. I couldn't be more pleased that I haven't been crapped on today, I feel for you.. really! 

Don't get me wrong, I do in fact like children. I'm a qualified primary teacher and so this swings both ways. They're fun to work with, play with, laugh with and watch grow into little, super adults; however when that bell rings and I'm out of the door, I can't say I miss them. They cry at decibels impossible for us adult-folk to comprehend. They sneeze in your cup of tea and seem to relish in touching you with all sorts of sticky, I don't even want to know what that is, on their hands! It's safe to say, I'm just not, 'ready!' I've been well and truly scarred by watching Supernanny and don't even get me started on that Born Every Minute show. My mum always reminds me of my sheer look of terror when I discovered that babies come out of your, 'special place' and with the utmost conviction, declared that there was no chance in hell that I was EVER going to have a baby come out of there! 

For me, there's too much baby knowledge out there now. I know too much and it scares me. Cute baby over there, you're not fooling me with that wide-eyed smile. I know your game. But to all the mothers out there. High-five, seriously.. You probably knew all this shit too and still went ahead with the whole reproducing thing. You've got major balls! I'll just stick to nursing my hangovers and honing my mothering skills on my guinea pigs. So far they're still alive, so it's looking promising! Maybe there's hope for me yet?

One stop holiday shop!

Got a summer holiday booked and need to splurge on some gorgeous, suitcase staples? Look no further! 

Bikini -Topshop
Hat - Dorothy Perkins

Top - Miss Selfridge

Sunglasses - Forever 21
Nail polish - Ciate
Swim suit - Peacocks

Bralet - River Island
Shoes - Missguided

Passport holder - H&M

Sunglasses - Mango
Shoes - ASOS
Kimono - H&M

Bikini top - River Island

Bikini top - H&M
Bikini bottoms -H&M

Bikini - Miss Selfridge
Earrings - Boohoo
Hair elastic - H&M

Sandals - Mango

Bag - ASOS
Shoes - Warehouse

Bag - Oasis

Embarrassing stuff I've done...

There's not a soul in the world that hasn't had a cringe-worthy, curl up in a ball and swallow me up moment. It's one of the funny things about life. No matter how fabulous you may be, at some point you're gonna hurl on your new dress and strut through a bar trailing loo roll on your designer shoes. Shit. just. happens. And personally, I love it! Perhaps not so much when I'm the one that life has decided to take the royal piss out of, but they're the kind of moments that make for good stories further down the road. 
I feel like starting this with a, 'don't judge me but...' however I fully expect that you will, but here are my red-face inducing, snippets of life plastered on the internet for the world and his dog to read. Enjoy. 
Embarrassing moment number 1. There's just no chance of maintaining any level of dignity when you take your pet guinea pig to the vets, point out a 'concerning' lump, only to be told that said lump is actually a penis. m.o.r.t.i.f.i.e.d. 
Embarrassing moment number 2. Feeling some smug, Lewis Hamilton level of skilled on your driving test only to be told to pull over and kindly informed that you're actually driving down the wrong side of the road. It's safe to say I failed that time. 
Embarrassing moment number 3. Chewing gum whilst having a family photograph taken, only to be pictured with a hideously contorted face. Made worse by the fact that it got superimposed onto a plate and passed around my entire family for shits and giggles. 
Embarrassing moment number 4. Drunkenly using the smoothest chat up line; 'So you're the hottest guy in Doha?' to an actual living, breathing human being! Did I catch him whilst he was on his own? Did I heck. This unholy level of cringe was played out for all to see. Although; in fairness to me, I'm now due to marry the guy so I guess it kinda worked! Go me!
Embarrassing moment number 5. Pretty much my entire existence at university. 
Embarrassing moment number 6. Thinking you can dye your hair blonde, (from dark brown) with a home bleaching kit. Hello orange hair! 
Embarrassing moment number 7. Contracting some out-of-this-world food poisoning whilst stuck out in the slums in Sri Lanka on an hour long drive to the airport. Not a solid house-like structure in sight, let alone a bathroom. The only thing that could make this situation any worse would be if some idiot decided to wear a playsuit that day.. Oh wait! 
Embarrassing moment number 8. Painting whiskers on your face like the mature year 11 student that you are, and running around the school corridors with your mate, pulling faces at your friends through the classroom windows, only to be caught by your teacher and the deputy head. We were made to stand and receive our bollocking with our handiwork still blazoned across our face for everyone to see. 
Embarrassing moment number 9. Almost setting fire to your vaj whilst trying to rescue your handbag from red-hot, shisha coals that some wise guy had knocked over. Melted my tights to my inner thigh and ended up in hospital, only to have the male nurse misunderstand my story and tell the entire ward I'd burnt myself on a shish kebab. And here's me thinking life couldn't get any lower!
Embarrassing moment number 10. Trying to act calm and collected when the slightest, unsavoury thing happens; but in fact just fainting because you're a sad excuse for a human being.
Embarrassing moment number 11. Thinking it's cool to drink cider with your mates when you're 14 years old. Getting so drunk that you fall face first in a pile of mud and have to be carried home. Once home, you realise you've got a tonne of dirt in your mouth and spit it out, only to inadvertently spit on your grandma.    So we're still not judging right? Pop your cringe-worthy moments in a comment below and let me know that I'm not alone in this cruel, 'what the hell is life?' world! 

Instagram pictures I've been liking...

It's only been a short, few weeks since I grabbed myself an Instagram account associated with my blog, (link here) and since then I've been tapping away at all the gorgeous offerings like a woman possessed.

I thought it would be fun to pop some of the pics I've been rating recently into a little post so we can all share the Instalove! 

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Who are your favourite Instagrammers right now?

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I'm in a relationship with my dentist!

It's not a mutually beneficial relationship. It's the kind of relationship where I pay this man ridiculous amounts of money to have more holes drilled into me than should be humanly possible. This unilateral affair has been taking place for several weeks now, and I for one am not reaping any such benefits from it. (Except slightly healthier teeth, I suppose)

I actually really hate the dentist. I'm not prejudiced against any specific dentist, I just hate them all. Anyone who drills people for a living and seems to be happy about it should be approached with caution. And yes, I am speaking of drilling in the mechanical sense, behave now! 

So it would appear that I needed a few fillings here and there. My first in 26 long, booze-fuelled, chocolate scoffing years! Apparently I have 'hard' teeth, which confuses me slightly as I always thought that all teeth were hard?! Where are all you soft-teethed folk hiding? So, yea.. My teeth are hard and as a result have held their own up until now. I've totaled 4 fillings with just as many dentist visits. I'm beginning to feel like the staff at my local dentist are a part of the family and I always get greeted with a few friendly, 'Heys' as I step through the door. I was even furnished with the tale of my dentist's most recent trip to London and we chatted about which part of the UK I am from. How very civilised! That was until he started drilling the bejesus out of my face. 

My question is, why could all of this not be done in one swift sitting? I'm somewhat a patient girl. I could have spared a few hours to get a job lot dental fix, but no, here I am, fourth visit completed this week with another appointment lined up next week! I feel like this love affair with my dentist is never going to end. 

Finnish Midsummer...

One of my biggest loves about living as an expat in a foreign country is when you get to experience the different cultures and traditions of the place you are currently calling home. I must admit, Ramadan in Qatar last year was tough; however it was a new experience all the same. 
This year I am privileged enough to be living in Finland during the Finnish Midsummer, or Juhannus as the Finns call it. From speaking to some of the locals here, it is clear to see that the Midsummer festival is a pretty big deal! It's a celebration which marks the longest day of the year, and gives the Finns and visitors alike; the opportunity to make the most of the sun lighting up the night sky. As for this time of year, the sun barely skims the horizon, before creeping back up again to shed light on the beautiful Finnish landscape. Not wanting to lower the tone too much, but staggering home from a night out is made all the more fun when you can actually see where you are going! 
So, what does this Midsummer event actually entail? It is believed that the Midsummer night is a night of magic and is apparently a night where possibilities are endless in terms of looking for love. So single ladies, grab your plane tickets now! I've also heard that young women will often pick a dandelion and place it under their pillow, in the hope that they will dream of their true love. Each to their own and all that! 
Besides hoping to find a decent guy or two, the night skies are filled with the light from bonfires and the barbeques are fired up, because who doesn't love a burger? Everything grinds to a halt as the Finns ditch their urban lives and pack off to the countryside in villas and cabins and do what Finnish people are great at... drinking obscene amounts of alcohol. Well played Finland! And of course, how could I forget, relax in a traditional Finnish sauna, (pronounced sow-na - ow as in the word cow) but don't worry, you don't have to do as the Finns do and strip off. A towel will suffice. 
This is the biggest and most popular celebration in Finland, with many shops and small businesses closing for the whole weekend; some even for a few weeks. That's probably the only downside to this quirky festival. If you really get a Ben & Jerry's craving mid-weekend, you're just going to have to suck that one up until the shops reopen. 
As for me, I'm going to head on down to a public event on the beach and soak up some of the traditional atmosphere. (And no doubt try to give the Finns a run for their money in the alcohol stakes!) 
For all those celebrating, have a wonderful Midsummer and who knows what the magical night will bring? 

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Big news!

Today's post has taken a big, fat back seat as I have some ridiculously exciting news! Okay, it may only be majorly exciting for me, but who cares? I'm absolutely over. the. moon! I went and got myself a fantabulous, brand-spanking, new blog design thanks to the amazing Sarah at Trisarahtops Smiles Designs, (Link) 
It's a huge step up from what I had previously and I'm chuffed to bits with it. I'm going to spend the rest of the day stalking my own blog like an absolute nutcase, but hey, who's judging right? I really hope that you crazy bunch enjoy it as much as I am currently doing and please feel free to let me know what you think! 
Meanwhile, I'm going to jump up and down on my couch a tad more... 

A weekend in pictures...

You may have seen my post last week, 'I'm not here' where I gave you a little update as to why I wasn't being very active on the old interweb. I will spare you all the details for fear of being too much like my Mum and repeating all my great stories two or three times just to make sure people are listening.

Anyhoo.. I have finally dragged my lazy arse around to uploading some pictures from my weekend away with the rents-in-law and the better half. First stop is Helsinki, the Radisson Blu Plaza and their delicious Kitzens restaurant.

Seriously comfy bed!

Selecting our food and beverages

Steak porn

I'm such a repeat offender of the Radisson Plaza in Helsinki! It's right in the centre of the city which means all the shops are just a hop and a skip away, what more could a girl want? The food at Kitzens is mouth-watering. Teamed with far too many sparkling wines and white russian cocktails means that a very pleasant night was had indeed!

Next stop was this stunning villa in Padasjoki, a few hours north of Helsinki.

Not a bad view!

Feeding the ducks

Keen much?

Braver than me!

Stunning!

Throw in a few sessions in the sauna, followed by a splash in the lake, (how could you not in Finland?) and you're pretty much up to speed!

Have you been up to anything fun recently?

Kirsty xx