Shit You Can Buy On The Internet...

I'm gonna start this post with somewhat of a disclaimer. Basically, I'm not an idiot. Okay, well not completely anyway. You're going to have to bear with me on this one today as I feel that what you're about to witness needs some level of explanation. I'm a first class insomniac, (and if that isn't a word then it damn well should be) although, 'first class' makes it sound like something you'd want and I can speak from experience that it most certainly isn't. On a recent bout of nocturnal interwebz trawling, I came across Poopdeck Tranny Angel. You can call her Ange for short:

Now, I don't know much about art but something tells me this isn't a Monet. Is that a nipple or a teeny, metal toggle switch? I kind of want to tweak it and I'm not sure if I should feel ashamed about it. The longer I stare at Ange, the weirder she gets. I'm getting some serious tentacle vibes around her face and the poor bitch appears to have a ring pull stuck on her nose. Her boobs singular boob is definitely perkier than mine though so I'll give her that. 
Then because I'd lit a fire of curiosity inside myself, I began to delve a little deeper into the murky depths of Amazon and came up with this:

Which is quite frankly the most fabulous bed set I have ever seen. Who needs leopard print when you can have ALL THE PRINTS! I'm loving that the seller has also styled it out with a faux grass rug and pink and purple stuffed bears... and then, because Amazon had weighed up my taste in interior style, they suggested I check out this item:

Because I guess your life really isn't complete unless you have a 3D gold shark, faux taxidermy wall mount. I've already earmarked a place for this on my bathroom wall. I love it when Amazon is super helpful and suggests that this would make a great, 'unique' gift idea as I'm often lacking inspiration and typically flowers just don't convey how, 'chic & trendy' I am. Well, I guess Mother's Day is coming up. 

Upon reaching the point where I started to actively search for matching gold animal wall mounts, I decided I'd probably need to purchase a subscription to this:

Because I'm thinking that wall mounts and many cats go hand in hand. I'm particularly interested in the article titled, '12 Things Your Cat Wouldn't Say' If the cat on the cover is anything to go by, I'm assuming one of them would be - 'I'm real friendly y'all!' Also, the Toddy's Night Out feature looks like it will be a hoot. With all this fantastic material, it's hardly surprising they're publishing 4 issues per year. Those crazy kids. 
With my finger hovering over the 'Subscribe Now' button, I decided to call it a night and clear my Amazon search history for fear of Scott thinking I'd developed a recreational drug habit. Insomnia takes you to some dark places folks. 
P.S. Don't do drugs.